Backup Dads
by Vanilla Owns Chocolate
Summary: Red Guy and Duck Guy have to go to a parent-teacher conference for Yellow Guy, since Roy isn't allowed. Antics ensue. (AU, crackfic, OC, implied Fluffybird but doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be)


**Hey, guys! I'm new here, and this is my first fanfiction! I've actually had this fic saved for a long time now, but I was too afraid to post it online. But now, it's finally here! Yay! I would like constructive criticisms, please! Thank you for taking the time to read this silly little fic! (P.S.: There's a reason why I gave Duck Guy the last name "Terry." Only DHMIS fans who know a lot about the cast might know why!)**

It was another ordinary day at the Puppet House. The biting cold of winter still remained outside, chilling anyone who dared to cross it unprepared down to the bone. This soon became even more apparent when Yellow Guy stepped in, looking cold and flustered.

"I-i'm home!" he called, shivering slightly as he set his backpack in his usual spot and hung up his coat.

Red Guy looked up from the television and turned it down upon seeing the child. "Hey, Yellow. How was school?"

"Oh, um...It was okay, I guess. My teacher told me to give you this."

Reaching into his backpack, he produced a slip of paper and handed it to the long-haired red creature.

"She, uh...says it's for something called a parent-teacher conference. My dad used to go to those, but now they say he's not allowed to come. I don't know why, though!" the child explained.

Red sighed. It's a complete mystery, he thought sarcastically.

"So...since Duck and I take care of you, you wanted us to go instead, then?" Red asked. Although he wouldn't admit it, he was flattered that Yellow saw him as a parental figure.

The kid nodded. "Yeah! I told my teacher that I had two other dads that could go instead!"

Red blinked. "So...she thinks you have three dads...?"

Yellow looked confused. "Well, don't I?"

There was a brief moment of awkward silence until Red finally said, "Uh, alright. Duck and I will go to this parent-teacher thing. Until then, you just do your homework, okay, kiddo?"

"Okay!" And with that, Yellow grabbed his things and went out into the dining room.

When he was gone, Red examined the slip. The meeting was at 6:00. Duck should be home from work by then, he thought. Duck was a lawyer, so he was usually really busy. When it came to Yellow, though, he was always willing to deliberately ditch work, even if he got in trouble for it.

"Then it's settled," he mumbled to himself. "I guess we're going as Dads #02 and 03."

It wasn't long before Red and Duck were waiting outside the door to Yellow's classroom, amidst a few other parents. Duck was chatting amiably with some mothers, while Red just stood there, occasionally making eye contact with somebody.

"...And so, I told him, 'Well, if you want it, bring your own money!'" Duck had just finished telling an anecdote to the group of moms gathered around him. They all burst into laughter as he basked in their admiration. One of them, however, rolled their eyes.

"This sort of thing never happens with MY kid. Of course, that's probably because I raise her in a safe, non-sinful environment."

Duck turned around at the sound of the familiar voice. Upon seeing who it was, it was quickly revealed that the source was not a mother at all. Instead, there was a butterfly hovering in the air, a heart symbol on his chest.

Duck scowled. "Shrignold," he hissed in animosity.

"Duck Guy," the butterfly responded.

"What are you doing here, you pesky bee?" Duck demanded.

"What does it look like? I'm here for a parent-teacher conference for my kid." He pulled a wallet from seemingly nowhere and proudly opened it to display a picture of a yellow child with pink hair and a white dress. A necklace with a blue, heart-shaped gem was around her neck.

"Unlike you two sinners, I teach my child the importance of the great Malcolm's love and virtue. Anyone who truly follows Him would know that you can't raise a child with two parents of the same sex! That's not His plan!"

Duck narrowed his eyes. However, he soon began to smile mischeviously. "You're just angry because nobody likes the shitty gluten-free cookies you bring to the PTA meetings."

All of the other parents in the room were now watching the ensuing argument. Red, on the other hand, was trying to distance himself from Duck as far as possible.

Shrignold looked flustered. "Wha-?! I'll have you know my cookies are both delicious and nutritious! You just can't appreciate true culinary perfection!"

 _Oh my god, I hate my life,_ Red thought in embarassment as he proceeded to rub at his face through his hair.  
Thankfully, before the fight could escalate any further, the door to the classroom finally opened. A blue cat with an orange dress poked her head out as soon as a pair of parents left the room.

"Where are the parents of Yellow Guy Gribbleston?"

Duck turned his head and waved his hand, linking his arm through Red's. "Ooh, that's us! That's us!" He turned to the butterfly, who still looked angry. "Nice talking to you, Shrignold!" the bird said before running into the room, dragging Red behind him.

They entered the classroom and shut the door behind them, taking seats at a desk.

"So...you must be Yellow's 'backup dads?'" she asked, raising an amused eyebrow.

Red attempted to respond, but was quickly cut off by Duck. "Is that what he called us? How cute! Why yes, we are his backup dads!"

Red sighed. "Actually, we take care of him in place of his real dad. In case you couldn't tell, Roy's...unstable."

The teacher grimaced. "Yes, I am aware of that. Poor Yellow. He thinks so highly of his father, too..." she trailed off for a while before resuming the conversation. "So, anyway, welcome! I'm Mrs. Felidae, and I'm Yellow's teacher."

Duck shook her hand enthusiastically. "Hello, ma'am! It's an absolute pleasure to meet you! I'm Duck Guy, and this is Red Guy!"

Red waved awkwardly. "Hello..."

"I must say, Mrs. Felidae, that is a lovely dress you are wearing! It's so simple, and yet the colour really suits you! Where did you get it?" Duck asked interestedly.

The cat smiled, blushing. "Oh, thank you! I got it at..."

Red tuned them out as they engaged in a conversation about fashion and style. He never really was into that sort of thing, but he knew how obsessed with clothes Duck was.

Finally, the two stopped their little chat and remembered that they were here for a different reason.

"Ahem...so, as I was saying, so far Yellow is a good student in class. He's not disruptive, and we've never had any behavioural issues with him."

Duck nodded, seemingly pleased. "Good, good! That's what we want to hear! After all, we always try to make sure to raise him right! Manners are everything, as I always say. Isn't that right, Red?"

Red shrugged. "Sure."

Mrs. Felidae smiled faintly. "However, um...He seems to have a few problems when it comes to paying attention. Sometimes, we see him drawing in class. I mean, they're very good drawings, which is impressive for a six-year-old! In fact, our staff loves to see students expressing themselves in creative ways!"

Red and Duck shuddered briefly at the mention of the word "creative."

"Unfortunately, this is negatively affecting his grades."

Red stole a quick glance at Duck. The green bird was blinking in disbelief, until he let out a slight laugh.

"Heheh, very funny, Mrs. Felidae! Either you're joking or you've just got the wrong kid, because our Yellow would never-"

Red put a hand on Duck's arm. "Duck, it's okay. Yellow's just a kid; He just needs some help with-"

"With nothing!" Duck cried, releasing his arm from Red's grip. "He is perfectly fine! I refuse to believe that my child is not paying attention in class!"

Mrs. Felidae looked uncomfortable. "Mr., um..."

"Terry," said Duck, a challenging look in his eyes. It was almost as if he was daring her to address him.

"Mr. Terry," she said. "I'm afraid that it's true. I know it can be hard for parents to accept that their child isn't doing as well as they would've liked, but I assure you-"

"She's lying! The woman's lying, I say!" Duck insisted, raising his fist dramatically.

"Duck..." Red said. "I think we should listen to her. She is his teacher, after all. She's the one who-"

"LIES!" Duck was screaming now. He pointed an accusatory finger at her. "I bet you're not even his real teacher, are you?! You're probably just a fraud! No wonder you have such an ugly dress!"

Mrs. Felidae looked offended now. "My word, Mr. Terry, there is no need to resort to false accusations and insults!"

"DON'T DENY IT! YOU'RE JUST A FAKE WITH HORRIBLE FASHION SENSE!"

They continued to argue, Red burying his face in his hands the entire time. Just before the argument could get even more intense, though...

The door slammed open dramatically, and in walked two figures. "I'm here!" one of them shouted in a clear and concise manner. Everybody looked up to see who these two were.

They were none other than Tony the Talking Clock, the Puppet House's resident timepiece, and Yellow himself. He smiled and waved upon seeing them, though Tony had his arm closely linked through his.

"Tony?" Duck asked, the fight completely forgotten. "What are you doing here?"

"What does it look like?" the clock scoffed. "I'm here for the parent-teacher conference."

He said it matter-of-factly, as if it were obvious. "After all, I'm the only one who gets anything done around the house. I practically have to take care of you three!"

"Actually, we took care of ourselves just fine until you came to life and insisted that we were 'too incompetent' to do anything properly." Red chimed in.

Tony rolled his eyes and pulled Yellow into the room with him. "Now then," the wall clock said, folding his hands on the desk as Mrs. Felidae stared at him in shock. "Let's not beat around the bush here. What problems is my child facing here in school?"

The cat just kept staring, at a complete loss for words. Right as she was about to ask what was going on...

"Dad!" Yellow cried happily as yet another figure entered the room. There stood Roy Gribbleston, Yellow's father.

Roy didn't respond as Yellow rushed up to hug him. He just looked at nothing, breathing heavily.

Finally, Mrs. Felidae had had enough. "OH MY GOD, YELLOW, HOW MANY FUCKING DADS DO YOU HAVE?!"

All eyes in the room turned to her, even Roy's. All of a sudden, she felt the weight of multiple looks of disapproval on her.

"Did you just..." Duck began.

"Use profanity..." Tony continued.

"...Around my child?" Red finished. Even he looked shocked and appalled.

"Um..." Mrs. Felidae didn't know how to respond. Quite unexpectedly, Roy approached her, still making eye contact with her. His face didn't display any emotion, but he towered over her, breathing slightly heavier now.

Duck got up. "That's it. We're leaving." He grabbed the hands of both Red and Yellow and left the classroom. "Yellow, come with us. We're buying you ice cream."

"Yay!" the child responded, not questioning this sudden dictation.

As they went out into the hall, Duck was careful to make sure that Yellow wasn't looking before flipping off Shrignold and resuming his walk to the car, ignoring the butterfly's angry shouts.

As they got in the car, Yellow asked, "So, how did the parent-teacher conference go?"

Duck was too busy sulking to answer. Red sighed. It looked like it was up to him to break the news.

"It went...fine." he said as he started the car, driving off to get some ice cream.


End file.
